very first day of school.

wednesday, september 15th, our girl became a preschool student at lakeside montessori. after all the build-up, the picking out and purchasing of a lunchbox, buying new school clothes & shoes, and trying to prepare her for the fact that mommy and daddy were not, in fact, going to school with her, it was here.

she didn't go right to sleep the night before, which she's normally good about. i think she knew something was about to change. she managed to stall sleep for over an hour before finally giving up, crawling back into her bed and closing her eyes. we woke her at 7, which is early for our girl, and started again with "it's your first day of school!"

we didn't leave the house until 8:30 but we were scrambling for an hour and a half to feed and clothe her, brush her teeth, pack her lunch, do her hair and, of course, do a quick photo shoot. (why does everything take longer with a toddler?) then off we went in the car, charles & me together with elsie, to deliver our girl to school for the very first time. sigh.

she chatted all the way, talking about nothing in particular but coming up with her own stories like she always does. she'd point to a house, "that my house" and then to another "that kayley house" then another "that my mommy house." very silly. i think it was her nerves, or her toddler version of nerves, knowing there was something big about to happen.

at the school, they have a drop off system in the driveway. the teachers and aids greet you at your car, take your child out and escort them inside. every day, every kid. this minimizes the trauma for first-timers or for the young ones who struggle with going to school. it also limits the chaos of everyone trying to park, get inside, say goodbye, blah, blah, blah. so we pull up to the driveway and are greeted by mrs. gatchalian, her teacher, who opens the back door and with much enthusiasm says hello to elsie with a giant smile and asks if she's ready to go to class. i ask if i should even get out of the car as the teacher is unbuckling elsie from her car seat. 'no.' i knew she was going to say that. sigh.

elsie climbs out of her car seat and stands there, inside the car, not sure she wants to get out. mrs. gatchalian takes bunny from elsie and says "how about we leave him here until after school." oh no - bunny can't go in! i give her lots of kisses and tell her to have fun at school......all from the front seat of the car. ugh. then mrs. gatchalian says to me, "ok, i gotta pick her up so this might be......" i know. it's time. she picks her up and settles her on her hip, grabs her lunchbox and bag of extra clothes, blanket and pillow, and off she goes with my kid, in one quick, fluid motion. (she's done this before.)

elsie doesn't cry. she waved at us as she was carried off to the front doors of the school. she was unsure and when she's unsure she gets quiet, very tentative, observing everything. we pull away, waving crazily out the open window of the car. the second we can no longer see our girl, we both begin to cry. i sob. very ugly cry, almost all the way home.

once home, i log on to view the web cam in elsie's class room. yes, that's right, there's a web cam. (sigh of relief.) i see elsie standing in her class room, just watching from the side. she's not sure what to do so she watches. after seeing one of the aids engage with her, i log off.

this is torture. i can't sit here and watch this all day. can i? i go do productive things for a while. then i log on again. all the kids lined up and went outside to play but elsie stayed behind. i watched as mrs. gatchalian stayed with her and walked around the classroom showing her all of the "work" and fun things they have there. eventually mrs. gatchalian got her to go outside. log off.

i checked on her periodically throughout the day. she ate her lunch, she sat in circle time, she took off her shoes. mostly she stayed very near the teacher or one of the two aids in her room. this is normal for 2.5 yrs i'm told, and it seems to me she's doing well because she's not sitting in the middle of the room crying her eyes out.

finally, it's time to go pick her up. charles has called and cannot stay away so he'll meet me there. my mom has called, she's going to tag along with me because, well she worries about me and loves elsie so wants to be there.

pick-up happens very much the same way drop off does, in the driveway. they intercom to the class and ask them to send your child up. i see her appear, holding the hand of an aid with another child. she's so tired and so overwhelmed that it doesn't register at first that mommy's standing in front of her. finally she makes eye contact with me and her face lights up, a familiar smile spreading across her mouth and reflecting comfort in her eyes. sigh. my baby. she wants up so i lift her to my hip. aware that the cars are lined up for other children, i race back to the car to secure her in her car seat when daddy is driving by in his truck. again she fills with excitement, "daddy!" after securing her in the car, charles climbs into the backseat and i park the car across the street. me, my mom, charles and elsie all in the car. "how was your fist day of school?" "do you like your teacher?" "did you have fun?"

elsie: "what we doin'?" confused that we were all piled in the car and parked at the fire station, staring at her, breath held, awaiting some witty stories. okay, give the kid a break, she wants to go home. so home we came and along the way she summed up her day for me.

"i mad at you guys for leaving me."

it's hard being a parent. the teacher said she did very well for her first day, but she did have two accidents. she doesn't like going potty with people she doesn't know. it will pass and she'll be okay. she also made three new friends the first day. she played with them outside and ate lunch with one of them. i think it was a successful first day - now that i've dropped her off for her second day, especially. more on that another time...

peanut butter & honey flower sandwich. orange, peeling started because she likes to peel them herself. grapes and string cheese. juice to wash it all down.

en route to her first day. a little nervous....

mrs. gatchalian carrying her into the school.